Setting boundaries is a skill that you must develop when dealing with a narcissist! It is a skill you need to have anyways, but the need for it is more prominent in toxic relationships.
Narcissists and other toxic personalities will take extreme advantage of anyone who shows the smallest sign of weakness in their boundaries.
What type of boundaries am I talking about?
Having space to safely express your own thoughts and feelings
Being able to disagree without major issues
Being free to go visit with a friend or family if you want
Not feeling obligated to explain yourself or defend yourself on everything
Feeling comfortable expressing your own likes and dislikes, and pursuing them
To build the skills of boundary setting, don't start with the hardest person you have in your life. Do not start by trying to set boundaries with your toxic partner or toxic parent. Because our boundaries are being obliterated by that toxic person, this person is our focus. We begin our journey by trying to establish boundaries with him/her. This is the same as a brand new driver choosing to start learning by jumping on a high-speed interstate at night in the rain. The safer approach is to learn to drive on lower speed roads in daylight and good weather.
So start building your boundary skills in easier scenarios and more cooperative relationships first. Express your thoughts and feelings with your friends, family and co-workers, even if you believe they will disagree. It is okay to disagree and still be good. Give voice to your own likes and dislikes whether others agree or not. Let go of that feeling that you have to explain yourself or defend yourself. You do not! You are simply allowed to have opinions and preferences.
As you become more skilled in boundary setting and self-expressing, you will feel more confident in doing this with the narcissists in your life! Be patient with yourself as you go. Learning new skills takes time and effort.
To learn more about how to help your kids set boundaries, watch the Q&A video with Renee Swanson here.
Check out her book Parenting with a Toxic Partner here. Get 3 free bonuses when you purchase the ebook. If you buy the paperback on Amazon, let her know at renee@covertnarcissism.com. She will send you the free bonuses if you submit a screenshot of your receipt.