Give and take is a normal and healthy part of a relationship. Everyone needs it. It is validation that the other person matters, is heard and cared for. We all need confirmation that we are being heard. We need to know that they get what we are saying, and we need to know that we matter to them.
This confirmation comes in little remarks and gestures. Nodding when they agree or understand what we are saying. Saying things such as, “That makes sense.” “I see what you mean.” “That’s true.” This sort of interaction validates the other person and helps them to feel heard and understood. It is a valuable part of our relationships.
The stone cold silence and quick, sharp tongue of a covert narcissist torments the victim, you. It leaves deep wounds of insecurity and feelings of worthlessness. You feel unworthy of their time and attention. You doubt what you are saying. You feel like you have to explain everything just to be heard or understood. You truly feel that you do not matter in their world.
How a person interacts with you affects how you feel. You may not remember exactly what a person says, but you will remember exactly how they made you feel.
Don’t be mad at yourself for feeling insecure and unworthy. Don’t judge yourself for your own doubt and defensiveness. You have been taught to feel this way in little ways that you probably didn’t even notice at first.
Understand where these feelings came from and allow them to fall away. If needed, validate yourself with your own internal words. Say to yourself, “I can see why I feel this way.” “This makes sense.” “Of course I feel insecure. Who wouldn’t?” See the interactions for what they were and the effect they had on you.