Do you feel like you are doing everything you can to make this relationship better? Are you wearing your brain out trying to find that magical solution? Giving everything a shot, trying every potential answer?

When I was apologizing yet again to my 18-year old son for all the trouble in our home over the years, he said to me,

"Mom, stop! No marriage is perfect and no individual is perfect. Sure. Maybe you could have done this or that, sure.

But mom, you did ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ. Maybe there was some magical answer out there where maybe your marriage to dad could have possibly worked. But he couldn't even do "A" so there is no way that this is your fault."

My son was right! I had done SO much, tried this approach and that approach. These words, those actions, this book, that video, blah, blah, blah.

Life with a covert narcissist is so incredibly exhausting! You try from every angle to find peace with this person. You simply want a peaceful home, a peaceful marriage, a safe haven with them. But no matter how hard you try, you just cannot find it!

I went through every letter of the alphabet and some letters of the Greek alphabet too. Yet he could not even take the first step! Not even the tiniest effort. Remember this when you find yourself pouring so much effort into the relationship. You can’t do ALL the work, no one can.

Get off your own back. Quit blaming yourself. It is not your job to fix all this, all by yourself.