If you are googling words like narcissism, emotional abuse, silent treatment, gaslighting, and passive aggressiveness, then you are probably not in a healthy relationship. Are you listening to podcasts about narcissism? Those podcasts do not have an audience of people who are in healthy relationships.

Does this mean you are with a narcissist or covert narcissist? No, it doesn’t necessarily. Maybe you are, maybe you aren’t. But if you are googling these things regarding your relationship, then that is a huge red flag.

Can you diagnose someone by reading on the internet? No, you cannot.

Does that mean you are not with a narcissist? No, it does not.

Whether you are with a covert narcissist or not, you may actually never know. There is a very good chance that you will never get a true answer to that question. That’s ok though.

What can you do? You can read and learn, finding the things that speak to you. What connects with you and how you feel? If you read about gaslighting and all the light bulbs go off, then learn more. If you read about blame shifting and this rings true in your situation, then read on.

It isn’t about diagnosing. At the end of the day, whether they are a covert narcissist or not isn’t what really matters. What matters is how you feel and why. It is about finding answers to why you feel the way you feel. It is about understanding where these feelings come from so you can begin the process of healing and growing. It is about healing yourself so you can make healthy decisions about your life and your future. Don’t ever forget that your life right now, and always, is about you, not anyone else.