You’re Always the Problem — The Impossible Reality of Life with a Covert Narcissist
Have you ever felt like no matter what you do, you’re somehow in the wrong?
Like you're bending over backwards, walking on eggshells, doing mental gymnastics just to avoid conflict—and it still circles back to being your fault?
If that sounds familiar, you might be living inside the invisible prison of covert narcissistic abuse.
🎭 The No-Win Game
With a covert narcissist, the rules of the relationship constantly shift. Speak up, and you’re accused of overreacting. Stay silent, and you’re labeled distant or dishonest. If you try to set a boundary, you’re called controlling. Let it slide? Then you’re enabling and passive.
It’s a no-win situation where guilt is the outcome no matter the choice—and the game is rigged to keep you doubting yourself.
🧩 Choose-Your-Own-Adventure… With No Right Answer
In my latest podcast episode, I walk through a choose-your-own-adventure story based on real-life scenarios survivors face every day:
Your child gets in trouble at school—do you tell your partner or not?
You want to go to lunch with a friend—do you ask permission or sneak out quietly?
Your child expresses fear or discomfort around your partner—do you validate them or shut it down?
No matter what you choose, it ends in blame. The covert narcissist twists every outcome into proof that you are the problem. The goalpost moves. The accusations shift. And over time, your reality warps.
💔 The Conversation That Never Happens
What’s most heartbreaking is not just what you endure—but what you never get.
You never get the healthy conversation.
You never hear:
“I can see why you handled it that way.”
“Thank you for telling me.”
“Let’s work through this together.”
“I didn’t realize that hurt you. I’ll do better.”
Instead, you get punishment disguised as disappointment.
Control disguised as concern.
And silence used as a weapon.
You're not just grieving the conflict—
You're grieving the intimacy, empathy, and shared responsibility that never existed.
🛑 You’re Not the Problem
Here’s the truth: the chaos, the confusion, the blame—it’s not about you.
It never was.
It’s about someone who needs control more than connection.
Someone who redefines reality to stay in power.
And someone who cannot tolerate the mirror of your truth.
You are not crazy. You are not too sensitive. And you are not the villain.
If you're exhausted from constantly being the problem in someone else's story, this episode will help you step out of the fog—and begin to reclaim your own narrative.
