“If your body has been acting like it’s in a horror movie even though your life looks normal to the world around you — this post is for you.”

Many survivors of covert narcissistic abuse experience physical symptoms that seem random or mysterious — jaw tension, chest tightness, digestive issues, sleep problems, eye twitches, and even buzzing in the ears. What most people don’t realize is that these symptoms aren’t random at all. They’re your body’s way of communicating: a map of what you have survived.

Even if your mind hasn’t fully recognized the abuse, your body certainly has. And while doctors may run tests and say, “Everything looks fine,” your symptoms are telling a different story — one of survival and adaptation.

Many survivors of covert narcissistic abuse are told—by therapists, friends, books, or even themselves—that they’re codependent. But what they were actually doing… was fawning.

Fawning is a trauma response—a survival mechanism your nervous system uses in unsafe or unpredictable environments. Confusing fawning with codependency keeps many survivors stuck in shame and self-blame. Today, we’ll break down the difference and explain why it matters for your healing.

Why We Confuse Fawning With Codependency

At first glance, fawning and codependency can look similar:

• Both involve people-pleasing.

• Both appear compliant from the outside.

• Both prioritize another person over yourself.

• Both can make you lose your sense of self.

But the why behind these behaviors is completely different.

Have you ever experienced something intense or frightening and wanted to share it… only to have the person in front of you dismiss it? This is one of the most subtle and confusing ways relationships shape our reality — and how some people can either restore your trust in yourself or make you doubt your own experiences.

This story isn’t just about a scary moment I had on the water — it’s about what happens after danger, and why the people around us matter so much.

Have you ever wondered what would happen if you stopped pouring all your energy into that special someone?
What if you shifted even a small portion of that energy into yourself—your well-being, your hobbies, your friendships, your peace?

Here’s the thing: in a healthy relationship, that shift would be welcomed, even celebrated.
But in a relationship with a covert narcissist, it exposes the truth like nothing else.

Pulling back your supply isn’t about being mean. It’s about watching, listening, and learning what’s really underneath.

Because sometimes, self-care is more than bubble baths and candles. Sometimes, it’s the ultimate test of whether your partner can survive without your constant attention.

People often ask, “Why don’t you just leave?”
But if you’ve ever been in a relationship with a covert narcissist, you know — it’s not that simple.
Leaving isn’t just about walking out the door. It’s about leaving in stages: physically, emotionally, and mentally.

If the relationship is physically abusive, your body usually leaves first. Your survival instincts take over.
But when it’s emotionally abusive, it’s your heart that leaves first — long before your body can pack a bag.
And then there’s the mental leaving — the hardest and slowest part. Even years later, you might still find them living rent-free in your head, criticizing your choices and haunting your thoughts.

Leaving a covert narcissist isn’t a one-time event. It’s a process — one that unfolds layer by layer, one step at a time.

Have you ever asked yourself if the person you’re with could ever truly see the truth about themselves? Maybe you’ve tried giving them books, sharing articles, or gently explaining patterns of covert narcissism. You hoped, begged, and waited for that “aha moment,” only to be met with shutdown, deflection, or blame.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many of us have been there—stuck in the cycle of trying to make them wake up, all while losing pieces of ourselves in the process.

Have you ever asked yourself, “Am I the narcissist?”

It’s one of the most common fears I hear from survivors of covert narcissistic abuse. And here’s why: covert narcissists often use the very same words you do. At times, they mirror you. They accuse you of doing exactly what they’re doing. They’ll say things like, “You never listen,” “You always bring up the past,” or “Nothing ever gets resolved.” And these are the very things you are trying to communicate to them.

It’s confusing, disorienting, and often makes you second-guess yourself. But here’s the truth: the difference doesn’t lie in the words. It lies in the intentions behind them.

It’s not just about what is said, but how it is said, the energy behind it, and the capacity to follow through. Let’s break it down.

Welcome Back, Survivors
After learning the basics of covert narcissism—half-apologies, gaslighting, silent treatment, and baiting—you’ve probably realized that the advanced techniques are far more insidious. These are the behaviors that keep you trapped, confused, and second-guessing yourself.

Understanding them is the first step to reclaiming your clarity and your peace.

Course Description:
Learn how to erode someone’s confidence, rewrite history, and maintain the perfect image in public while being impossible in private. By the end of the semester, you’ll have your partner questioning their sanity—and, with any luck, apologizing to you for the damage you caused.

Learning Objectives:

• Master the half-apology in under 30 seconds.

• Perfect the art of gaslighting until your partner Googles, “Am I going crazy?”

• Implement silent treatments that ensure nothing ever gets resolved.

• Cultivate a shiny public image that makes your partner look ungrateful.

• Weaponize sighs, eye-rolls, and martyrdom for maximum effect.

Grading:

• 50% Deflection

• 30% Playing the Victim

• 20% Selective Memory
  Pass/Fail only. (Spoiler: you always pass, your partner always fails.)

When you first meet them, it feels like magic. They’re playful, charming, adventurous—the kind of person who sweeps you off your feet and makes life feel light. But slowly, you realize the truth: all the fun comes with a cost.

Because when life gets real—when accountability, responsibility, or emotional depth show up—they vanish. They deflect. They sulk. They blame. And you’re left carrying the weight of a relationship that never grows, while they float off into their fantasy world.

Welcome to the Peter Pan world of covert narcissists—where one partner refuses to grow up and the other gets stuck trying to hold everything together.