I Thought I Was Losing Him

Today my older son moved out.

He is 26 years old. And as I watched him leave, the last 26 years played through my mind — the good, the bad, and everything in between.

If you are parenting through a narcissistic relationship, then you know the fear I’m talking about. The one that doesn’t announce itself. The one that just sits quietly in your chest whispering, Will my child be okay?

I lived with that fear for years.

There were seasons when I genuinely thought I was losing my son. Depression. Isolation. Anger. Days spent in bed. Nights where the heaviness in my chest felt unbearable. And in January of 2019, only weeks after my divorce was finalized, my worst fear nearly came true when my son attempted suicide.

In this episode, I’m sharing what those years taught me — not as an expert, but as a mother who walked through it.

I talk about the mistake I was making without realizing it: trying so desperately to pull my son out of pain that I unintentionally taught him to hide it. I share the conversation with a grieving father that completely changed the way I parented. And I share two recent conversations with my son that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

One of them was this:

“You have provided me safety.”

Those words changed something deep inside me.

Because if you are parenting in the middle of narcissistic abuse, you often feel invisible. You wonder if any of what you are doing matters. You question whether your love is enough to counterbalance the chaos your children are living inside.

I want you to hear me clearly: it matters.

The consistency.
The safety.
The showing up.
The “I don’t know what to say, but I love you” moments.

Your children are carrying those things with them, even when you cannot yet see the impact.

In this episode, we talk about:
— The impact of narcissistic abuse on children
— The mistake many loving parents make that buries their child’s pain deeper
— Why safety, love, and time matter more than fixing
— What healing can actually look like on the other side
— The invisible work parents are doing every single day

If you are exhausted from carrying the emotional weight of parenting inside a narcissistic relationship… if you are terrified for your children… if you are wondering whether your efforts are getting through…

This episode is for you.

Because healing is possible.
Connection is possible.
And it is never too late to become a safe place for your child.