How Unsafe People Erase Your Reality — And Safe People Restore It
Have you ever experienced something intense or frightening and wanted to share it… only to have the person in front of you dismiss it? This is one of the most subtle and confusing ways relationships shape our reality — and how some people can either restore your trust in yourself or make you doubt your own experiences.
This story isn’t just about a scary moment I had on the water — it’s about what happens after danger, and why the people around us matter so much.
Paddling Through Fight-or-Flight
It all started with a mama alligator while I was kayaking. My brain told me, “Nope, just skin, nothing to worry about,” but my body was in full survival mode. My arms were shaking, my breath short, my heart pounding.
After escaping the immediate danger, my nervous system was still on high alert. I was confused, trying to make sense of the adrenaline surging through me. Questions flooded my mind:
Did that really happen?
Was I imagining it?
Maybe it wasn’t that big of a deal?
If you’ve ever lived with someone who constantly dismissed your feelings, minimized your experiences, or made you feel “too sensitive,” this moment will feel painfully familiar. That mental fog, that uncertainty — it’s exactly how emotional abuse can condition you to doubt yourself.
The Power of Safe People
When I reached my friend after the incident, she didn’t laugh. She didn’t dismiss me. She didn’t correct me or tell me I was being dramatic. Instead, she asked:
“What did it look like?”
“How big was it?”
“Are you okay?”
“Tell me what happened.”
Her curiosity, calmness, and genuine concern allowed me to feel safe. My nervous system slowly settled. My adrenaline subsided. For the first time in a while, I could trust my own experience.
This is what psychologists call co-regulation: when someone safe helps your nervous system return to balance. Their steadiness reminds your body and brain that it’s okay to feel, to process, and to trust yourself again.
The Danger of Unsafe People
Now imagine if I had reached my ex-husband instead. His response might have been:
“That wasn’t an alligator.”
“You’re overreacting.”
“It was just a log.”
“You always make things bigger than they are.”
This is what emotional abuse looks like in practice. Slowly, it erodes your perception of reality. You start to doubt your instincts, your memory, your very sense of what’s true. Over time, you can become dependent on their version of events — losing sight of your own reality entirely.
Why This Matters
When your nervous system is flooded with fear or adrenaline, your rational brain is offline. You’re vulnerable. You’re trying to process trauma — big or small — and your mind searches for safety.
Safe people help you land back in your body and reclaim your reality.
Unsafe people make you doubt yourself, creating dependency and confusion.
This is how covert narcissistic abuse subtly steals your sense of truth — not through outright force, but through constant dismissal and correction.
Healing Through Validation
A few days after the kayaking incident, my friend validated my story again. She remembered the exact details — the color, the snout, the way the alligator looked.
She didn’t just validate the story. She validated me: my ability to notice, interpret, and remember. That validation reminded me that my perceptions mattered and that I could trust my own eyes again.
For survivors of covert narcissistic abuse, this is a crucial reminder: healing begins when someone else believes you. It grows when you are safe. And it deepens when you are supported instead of silenced.
When Reality Has Been Stolen
For many people, emotional abuse isn’t just about big dramatic events — it’s the slow, constant erasure of reality:
Your feelings dismissed
Your needs minimized
Your instincts overridden
Your stories corrected
Over time, you shrink, edit, and doubt yourself — doing to yourself what others have been doing all along. It’s exhausting, disorienting, and isolating.
The Path to Healing
Recovery begins the moment you are believed. It strengthens with safe connections. Your nervous system needs:
People who help you process instead of suppress
People who help you feel instead of shut down
People who help you return to yourself instead of disconnect
You deserve to trust yourself. You deserve to reclaim your reality. And it’s never too late to start.
Takeaway
Sometimes, the real danger isn’t the threat itself — it’s coming home and telling the wrong person about it. Safe people restore your reality. Unsafe people take it away.
Piece by piece, moment by moment, safe connection by safe connection, you can get your reality back. And in that process, you can finally learn to trust yourself again.
